Eyes

Here i am back at it again. In this place where no one ever notice but still visible to the eye who cares. But whose eyes are they? No one i guess

Home (in your word play)

What are we running away from?

The inevitable mistakes human made;

The comfort of love making;

The nature of taking care of each other.

If ever apologizing is forbid

And I am never trully a saint,

Will you still be here?

Or are we still running?

Baby, I know how scary the future might look. I, too terrified.

But if we get through this time,

I can't promise it would be all calm waves ahead of us;

I can't provide you glitters and butterflies;

At least we have each others' arms to keep.

Once again, welcome back to the unstable yet progressing haven of us called home (for
which only god knows on what pace are we progressing).

At least we

Tried,

Tried,

Tried,

Tired

egg in the shell

I cracked myself open

For you to see me vulnerable. 

For you to peak inside the core.

I am fully unarmed, weak and insecure.

You wouldn't look, you wouldn't pity.

Instead, you pour water to simmer

Toss me in, 

Hundrid degrees, boiling hot.

Leaving me with wound that burns.

Lifted me up and sprinkle me with salt

Stings so bad.

Don't worry

I'll be out of your reach,

Off your radar,

A good way off.

A Girl Like Me

It is anger, I knew it from the heat on my throat. I may scream and cursed the meanest words that one can pronounce. I may stab and drain the blood out of anyone that crossed my lawn. I may do the dirtiest deeds a man can do.

But I can’t.

Not that I can’t do those terrible things, but the world has shut me down before I even started. Everyone has judged me with their cynical eyes. The old woman whispering to her neighbor “how could possibly a girl do such nasty things like that?” she only whispered but it slaps me right on my face.

The other part of society is meaner. They are nobody to me but they judge the hell out of me about my clothes on their personal religious view. Stating that I am the one who has the most sins, and will rot in hell. They don’t bite but they laugh at me as I was a joke to them, they mock me as I was an object to mock at. And that my friend, is irritating. Like chest pain from being stabbed multiple times with humiliation.

I know it has reached my boiling point. All the words that have been repressed had gotten to the top of my lungs. Ready to burst whenever I open my mouth. The heat is on my throat now. And here comes the older ones. “How dare you talk back to old men like us? We taught you manners, and girl like you wouldn't go far!”

I paused. I can feel my bloodstream travels from head to feet so fast I can even make a waterfall out of it. It was cold so suddenly. I shivered. Not that I felt wrong. But I felt disarmed.  My eyes are wet. Not that I am sad, but I felt insulted.

Holding back my tears, I gulp once more on the ocean of tears trying to catch my breath. All my evil plans and mean things suddenly melted into one. Swallowed by the heat of my throat back to my body. And then it disappears in the midst of my anger. Buried once again in the back of my head. so deep into the bottom of my brain.

I told you not that I can’t, but the world has shut me down before I even started.

A love letter to self

I used to write love letters for someone else, I didn't realize the one who needs it the most is myself.
So if I could write to myself it goes like this.

Dear self,

I heard that January is the warmest month on the southern hemisphere throughout the year,
and maybe that's because your smile radiates warmth to sway the coldness away. You took away the blues and turn it into tangerine, without anyone knowing that your feet are icy cold and it stings so badly.

I hope you are still giggly and all happy like yesterdays. I know it's sometimes hard to be the one who pats your own back, to scratch your own itch, and to be the shoulder for you to cry on. But I always know you are a great multi-taskers. You are strong and capable of many things. Let me remind you that you are not alone, you are so full of love but you often forgot. I, myself love you!

Don't worry about how people may think about you. You are prettier than those girls who don't fight for their ambitions. You always know what you want and you know what's better for you but you need to be brave. You've always been great, but this time I need you to push harder. I believe in you.

And when you're feeling worn out, remember to always take some rest. You've done just enough. You always give your 110% like I know you.

And lastly, I want to thank you for a lot of things.

Thank you self for learning to let go multiple times; for letting yourself to expand and adapt to new tools and experience; for finally having the guts to reunite with old friends; for not stop creating; for listening and helping more to those who struggle to heal; for having new hobbies; for accepting how you look in the mirror; for teaching yourself how to cook; and for realizing that you’ve gained so much in the midst of your insecurities.


                                                                                                                 

                                                                                                                           
                                                                                                                                  Yours truly

Who am I to you

A nobody to your success

Pebbles and rocky road to your smooth path

An occupying space between your mind that you neglect

Nothing, but a burden to you