Thursday, September 13, 2018


I thought I was tougher for I was holding back my tears as I witnessed my gran passed away. I never knew that the hardest part of losing the one you love is to accept that you can no longer touch her, see, and comfort her physically. I never knew I would grief this hard.

I am now live in a house that no longer feels like home. I no longer come home to a warm greeting and a worried look questioning why I always come home late. It irritates me as I have to swallow all these all at once while trying to live through all the mementos that surround me.

Monday, May 21, 2018

I spent my whole week crying myself to sleep. Turning my eyes into stream and my lungs into desert. And I wander through the land of hopelessness . I am lost. There's only two ways dying, either dying of suffocating or being drowned. I survived this time, many times. With an open wound in my chest.

Lay down restlessly
In a bed full of sorrow
Maybe this time's a goodbye
What's even good in goodbye?
Spiralling down with no answers
Just a loop echoed questions
And at the end of the tunnel
There is still darkness and silence

Friday, May 11, 2018

How it feels to be with a scorpio

1. You may feel you have done your best but still, you are disappointing to them
2. you will experience the spike of emotions, you may be ecstatic today and completely sad the next day.
3. you will be clueless all the time trying to figure out what have you done wrong.
4.  conversations are the best cure for all heartaches
5. they are a living voice recorder and camera, they remember every detail.
6. You learn new things every day because he/she is easily interested in new ideas, hobbies, etc.
7. you will be super clingy because he/she wants to take parts in everything you do.
8. you will lose on his/her quiet game.
9. you will be worried all the time (or it's just me) you have to trust him/her over your instinct.
10. you will be very lucky because he/she really knows how to surprise you.
11. it is sometimes pain in the ass, full stop.
12. you'll find out that the source of happiness wasn't something expensive and all glamourous things, happiness is when you two aren't fighting over silly things.
13. you'll feel content by only his/her presence.
14. you'll be struggling in giving his/her personal time & space when you need them the most.
15. hint: you just have to be honest, by honest it means ALL THE TIME no excuse.
16. they will appreciate even the tiniest thoughts of yours. Share with them.
17. it is sometimes sad, sometimes super happy, sometimes mad, sometimes confusing.
18. you may feel hurtful by their words, but it is how they show their love. weird but true, they want to be more than anyone they can toy with. They challenge you to be a person who truly knows them through their best and worst.
19. advice: you may want to practice the art of not-easily-get-offended-or-annoyed by their words and deeds.
20. yes, you are welcome. This is a cheat sheet for you who might be as confused as me.

(sincerely, A Capricorn)

Saturday, May 5, 2018


At nights like this, you feel things you cannot describe: an obscure sorrow, an ambiguous anger, and a sudden lonesome.

Saturday, March 3, 2018